Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thankful for my salvation

I was saved 9 years ago the Sunday after the church Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  This year is extra special because my oldest son came home from the intermediate care facility and Thanksgiving has always been his favorite holiday!

My oldest son also played a big role in my salvation.  This story will be told slightly out of order but stay with me.  I do eventually get to the point. 

Nine years ago, I used to be very controlling in my efforts to teach my oldest son and in particular toilet train him.  He was 9 years old and had been toilet training for 4 years.  I had copied the toilet training data sheet from Maria Wheeler's toilet training book and I made everyone complete it.  Everyone.  This included his teachers, in home workers, grandparents, babysitters, my husband, and my daughter if she helped or witnessed someone else helping who had not filled it out.  While this book was and still is the most useful out there for special needs toilet training, I don't recommend doing what I did.  Everyone hated it and it didn't change the outcome.  A controlling spirit is not how God created me to be.  The book is in it's second edition now.  I have not read the second edition but I'm sure it's excellent since I've also read and recommend The Out of Sync Child.  But this is another potential blog post.
Maria Wheeler, M.ED.
Find it on amazon or kindle

Five years before this, I had been out in public with my oldest son and my daughter, who happen to be twins and were both in special education pre-school.  This woman started to talk to us because my daughter was so darn cute.  She was shy back then and working on her speech delay so she just smiled her cute smile at this woman.  Part way through the conversation, the woman commented that I was a "saint" for taking care of my "step" children who were both "developmentally disabled".  I found this very puzzling.  First because I have adopted these two in my heart and never considered then to be a "step" removed.  Was it expected that I should not love them just because I didn't birth them?  Should their disability or delay make them less worthy of being loved?  Second because I didn't know what a saint was other than the apostles but I knew I wasn't a saint. 

Back to nine years ago, I knew I wasn't a saint and I was controlling among other sins.  Sainthood was a level of perfection that I knew I could not attain in my own strength so I just didn't think about it much.  Grandma invited me to her church Thanksgiving dinner with both my kids. She introduced me to new people who I still fellowship with today.  One being another special needs Mom of ten children, the youngest also had down syndrome and was toilet training.  I didn't know about my son's autism then but knew that my oldest son didn't function the same way other children with down syndrome do.

I returned for church that Sunday.  I know some people have strayed so far from God that the thought of church angers them.  That wasn't me.  I went with Grandma.  It was what girls time with Grandma was always like.  I remember sitting in Grandma's room when she used to live with us when I was about 7 years old.  She showed me how to do crafts and she talked about God all the time.  Sometimes there were hymns in her room.  So we went to church that Sunday.

God spoke directly to my heart.  I had placed myself on the throne of my heart.  Jesus could not be Lord in my heart because I was already lord.  I was doing things in my own strength and understanding, which is weak and faulty.  My sin had placed Jesus on the cross.  It was my fault.  Hot tears of conviction ran down my face, unashamed and publicly.  Have you ever been in church and felt the spirit move across the face of the waters (imagery Gen 1:2)?  I have.  Twice.  This was one of them.  I raised my hand for prayer at the invitation.  Afterwards I went to the restroom as fast as I could get there. Still crying.  The Pastor's wife found me and took me to a classroom to pray.  My Grandmother cried and celebrated my salvation which actually came one evening, maybe that night or the next, praying alone.   I am a new creature and Jesus is Lord!

Who is Lord of your heart?

1 comment:

  1. That's a beautiful testimony :) Happy Thanksgiving! ~Melody


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